Im usually a happy person, but the last couple weeks have been too much. Im tired, my infant doesn't sleep well. And today I am angry. My car hasn't ran in 6 months, I haven't worked outside the home since July 08 when I got laid off, at the time 4 months pregnant, and in my line of work nobody will hire a pregnant woman no matter how good she is. I feel so trapped and like I am going to explode. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and two boys but I need a break. I have never been a person that wanted to be a stay at home wife, I love to work and earn my own paycheck. Now my husbands job is going downhill as the boss runs out of money. There is no security in my life right now and it is totally draining. I feel more depressed every passing day, with nothing to look forward to. My husband tells me that happiness is a controlled state of mind, well my mind doesn't work that way. Right now I am not very happy. Stability and security is a main priority of mine and always has been. Our savings account is starting to get scary low and with no money coming in, I don't know what we are going to do. I'm scared and there is no relief on the horizon.
I love my sons, 10 years and 8 months. Their smiles are all my joy, but even so I am still sad today. Hopefully things will improve soon.
This blog is for my benefit, in hopes that writing my feelings down will relieve the sadness I feel, and honestly I feel a bit better now than when I started.
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