Thing always unfold the way I don't expect. I have come to accept it as normal for me. I have also realised that my husband is right...I am a very negative person at times. Its not that I mean to be, I really don't, its just that I am used to disappointment and just know its coming. Nothing in my life has worked out the way I planned. Sometimes I just feel as though I work towards something but just never get there. So in turn I have for the most part I have stopped working towards my dreams. For example, I always wanted to be a trainer and I'm great at it, but I just cant get up the guts to go and take my trainers test. I have serious issues with failure. After failing my drivers test the first time, it took me another 5 months to get up the courage to go take it again. Its been this way for as long as I can remember. Honestly I have no idea why I am like this, its not like I always fail, I do succeed sometimes.
Things are going pretty well right this second. My hubby and I haven't gotten into a fight in almost a week, I don't know why we have been arguing so much lately. I am sure its that he doesn't want me to leave the house and be me again. I do still feel as though he is trying to keep me here at home, he says its because I do such a good job with the house and baby, but I have a feeling that, that is not why. I know he doesn't like housework and lately has gotten VERY lazy, in all honesty I am tired of cleaning and picking up after people, I am tired of changing diapers. I am tired and I need a break. As soon as my brakes get done I am going to take off for a day and leave him with the boys. I know that will be a huge fight but I need to finally do something for me. He just doesn't understand, this is exactly how I felt after my first born was about 6 months old. I got depressed to the point of running away. I do feel myself getting depressed and have been trying to fight it for months but I don't know how much longer I can fight it off. If I can get away for a hour or so a week, I am able to get my attitude up a bit, and that will last for a couple days. Its just so tiring, and monotonous, something needs to give. He needs to help more or at least not make more work for me. I hate housework when it can be prevented but just picking up after yourself. You know, the trash goes in the trashcan, the dishes in the sink, and the dirty clothes in the hamper. I don't ask much, just the simple things that you should of been taught as a child. I do have to say though, that at least he puts the toilet seat down, as does my son. Well I guess that is enough bitching for the day...
No comments:
Post a Comment