I wasn't checking up on him, I swear, but I ran across my hubby's log of web pages visited on Monday night. He went to about 20 adult sites. That honestly really hurts my feelings, I feel cheated on. It didn't used to bother me till the baby was born. Ever since, I have been totally unhappy with my own body, and just so not feeling sexual. So really we haven't had much of a sex life in about 9 months, and I do feel guilty for that. But when you add a new baby, lack of sleep, no personal time, low self esteem, and just feeling depressed all together you usually get NO SEX. We usually only get Sunday mornings together, but for the last couple weeks either the baby was fussy or big brother was grounded, and last week hubby was sick. The porn sites didn't used to bother me when I was thin and fit and felt good about myself, I was confident in myself. Well everything changed with this last pregnancy. I gained way to much weight and am now having a hard time getting it off. Its just killing me...he tells me over and over again that I look fine and that he loves me no matter what but that's not what I want to hear. I want the personal time to be able to go and exercise, to go ride or walk or something, something to get me out of the house alone and be a individual again. He just doesn't get it, just because I am a mother doesn't mean that I must stay with my kids at ALL TIMES. I need a break, from everyone, to find myself again and learn once more to be happy with myself. I'm not talking running away, just some time set aside every week or so where I can take off and be totally alone, or even go hangout with friends. How I would love to just be me one day a week, not mom or wife, just me...
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