Very true quote, Life is the same damn thing over and over. My issues just keep coming back and repeating themselves. My hubby treats me as a maid at times, I really don't know if it is intentional or if he thinks its cute, but I am soooo done with it. For example I will sit down after making lunch for the baby and us, to have lunch and as soon as my butt hits the chair, he wants a drink, come on get off your ass and get it yourself. Just because I am home all day doesn't mean that I don't do anything. Everyday I get as much done as I can, depending on how the baby is, he is going through a clingy phase right now, which makes it difficult to do certain things. Last week I baked 5 loaves of bread, 2 white and 3 cinnamon raisin, did laundry, picked veggies, housework, preserved veggies, made baby food, made homemade yogurt (probably 3 jars) and I know I am leaving some stuff out. Not to mention that I did all of this with a infant in-tow. I am tired and need a break, but the best I can get is maybe a trip to the store, and going totally alone is damn near impossible. I think I will try to go to the grocery store alone today, I wonder how big of a fight that will turn in to. Just hoping football is on, and maybe it wont be such a big deal.
It my goal to keep this blog as anonymous as possible, even though I am sure if my hubby reads it, he will know its mine or at least think its weird that this woman is just like his wife LOL. Its not that I am ashamed of anything, but my identity is unimportant, its my trials of life, marriage, and family that are. This blog is to act sort of like a therapist for me, and so far talking, well writing, is greatly helping. Now if I could just change my life a bit, I will be the happy person I used to be.
Sometimes I feel as if the old me has dropped off the end of the earth, she is gone and left me with what I have now, a broken shell of the woman I used to be. Its not as if I used to be a powerful woman but I was confident and sure of what I was doing. But now I feel defeated, nothing like I used to be. I have no identity now except wife and mother. I need to get myself back together and stop feeling this way.
Well step one in my car project has been completed, the starter. And it still wont start, we even put a new battery in it. Figures, I get excited, my car working means my Independence, and it doesn't work. The car need to run before the brakes get done. And I can't drive it until the brakes are done. My car is the main reason why I feel trapped. Honestly, deep down I feel as if he has kept my car unusable on purpose, so I would be stuck at home, and not go back to work. I really hate to think that is true, but what else am I supposed to think when the only time I can get him to work on it is when I start a fight. Which leads me back to my opening quote:
"It is not true that life is one damn thing after another. It is the same damn thing over and over." - Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950) American Poet
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